Regret is not just a negative emotion; it is a physical reaction that can stem from past mistakes and induce severe stress and anxiety. If left unchecked, it can wreak havoc on our daily life and force us to spiral out of control.
Despite the negativity it brings, regret is also one of the biggest sources of inspiration and motivation. It pushes us out of our comfort zone, compels us to make better life choices, and motivates us to reach for the impossible. If you often mull over the ‘what could have been,’ you can channel that emotion to actually improve your life.
Daniel Pink writes about the good that comes from our regrets.
In his book, The Power of Regret: How Looking Backwards Moves Us Forward, Daniel Pink talks about the 4 core regrets.
These are moral regrets, foundation regrets, boldness regrets, and connection regrets. He also mentions that while regrets are inevitable, they not only make us human but also make us better.
The Five Ways Regret Can Improve Your Life
While living in the past can be tempting, learning from regrets to create your desired life will get you farther. Here are the top ways you can use regret to move forward.
Get a Different Perspective
Before you do anything tangible, it is important to first change your mindset. Revisit your regrets and try to find the good that came from that experience. In simpler words, focusing on what you gained rather than what you lost will change your perspective and push you to do better.
Find the lessons in your regrets and learn from them.
Make Regret Your Teacher
Once you have acknowledged your mistakes, do a deeper analysis and try to get feedback from the people around you. Constructive criticism can help you improve in areas where you lack and open new doors of knowledge.
The last step is to learn from your mistake. For instance, if you missed out on applying for a program that you now regret, you might want to work on your productivity and time management skills in order to keep updated with important deadlines. You can do this by setting reminders or prioritizing such tasks.
Be Kind to Yourself
Stop negative self-talk since words are more powerful than you think. Practicing self-compassion means treating yourself like you would treat a friend who was in distress. You will never make them feel stupid or incompetent for what they missed; rather, you will show them how to make the most out of the situation and help them prepare better for the future.
Apply the same energy and attitude for yourself (by thinking more like a GPS) and try to see the endless opportunities there are available for you. You just need to plan, strategize and shoot your shot. Even if you fail, you will at least have the satisfaction of trying and moving forward without doubts.
Know Things that Matter the Most to You
Sit down and really think about what matters the most to you. If successful, you will be better able to understand the profound regret you feel and dedicate all your energy to achieving what you truly expect from life.
Insight and learning without taking action is a missed opportunity.
Take the Leap
Success is often the result of taking one wrong step in the right direction, so take action. Make a list of your regrets that haunt you on a daily basis, then think about which steps should be taken that will steer you in the right direction.
Having a mentor or a mindset coach can be a tremendous help if you are not surrounded by supportive people. The ultimate cure for regret is to not feel incompetent or overthink everything.
Bottom Line on Regret
Regret is a very common and inevitable emotion that even the most successful amongst us experience. While regret can push us 10 steps backward, it also has the potential to propel us forward if channeled correctly. As Bronnie Ware says, “Living regret-free is not something achievable in a flash. It is created by an ongoing day-to-day process of conscious decisions, loving actions to ourselves, and a whole bucket full of courage.”
Using regret is not an overnight process; it requires consistent mind training, self-discipline, and healthy habits. Once mastered, regret can be a powerful tool that can turn your life around and make you unstoppable.
If you are looking to change your mindset and get ahead in life, seeking the help of a life coach can be a worthwhile investment.
p.s. – Having a hard time re-framing regret? Book a free trial session and we’ll see if we’re a fit for working together.
Paul Strobl, MBA, CPC
Owner of Confide Coaching, LLC
Paul is a Master Life Coach for GenX and GenY executives and business owners. Originally from Houston, Texas, he has been location independent for most of his adult life. He currently resides in the Rhodope Mountains of Bulgaria near the Greek border with his brilliant wife, 13-year-old stepson (officially adopted in 2021!) and a Posavac Hound rescue.
