Have you ever found yourself replaying the same stressful thoughts over and over? Maybe it’s that nagging voice saying you’re not good enough, or the frustration that flares up when someone doesn’t meet your expectations. These loops can be exhausting, and no matter how much we try to push them away, they keep pulling us back in.
That’s where The Work of Byron Katie comes in. This practical, down-to-earth method helps you step back from the noise in your mind and ask simple but powerful questions. With just a few steps, you can begin to see your thoughts differently — and feel the tension start to lift.
In this article, I’ll walk you through exactly how The Work works, how to know if it’s a good fit for you, and simple steps to start practicing today. Plus, I’ll share how working with a coach can help you go even deeper with this method, turning these insights into real, lasting change in your everyday life.
What Is Byron Katie’s Work?
Byron Katie’s Work is, at its heart, a simple process of self-inquiry that helps you challenge the stressful thoughts that keep you stuck. Katie herself developed this method during a difficult period in her life, when she was overwhelmed by depression, anger, and self-judgment. One morning, she experienced a moment of clarity: it wasn’t her life itself that was causing her pain, but her thoughts about life. From that realization, The Work was born.
The Work is built around four straightforward questions that invite you to slow down and look honestly at what you’re believing. Instead of staying tangled in frustration or fear, you gently investigate your thoughts and begin to see them from new angles. It’s not about forcing yourself to “think positive,” but about creating genuine mindset shifts by seeing things more clearly.
While many people first turn to The Work for emotional relief, its true power lies in how it helps you shift your overall perspective. As you practice, you’ll likely find yourself responding to life’s challenges with more calm, clarity, and self-awareness. Whether used on your own or with the support of a coach, Byron Katie’s Work can become a valuable tool for lasting change.
How Does The Work Actually Work? A Step-by-Step Guide (For the Pragmatic, Skeptical Mind)
If you’re feeling skeptical about The Work, you’re not alone. Honestly, it’s a healthy response. When you’ve wrestled with difficult thoughts for a long time — perhaps thoughts about not being good enough, fears of failure, or feeling let down by others — something as simple as “four questions and a turnaround” can feel almost laughable.
But let’s slow down for a moment.
What you’re likely experiencing is a mind that’s been running the same patterns on repeat. These thoughts feel real because they’ve been rehearsed so many times. They’ve created emotional grooves, much like a well-worn path in the woods. And even if part of you knows these thoughts aren’t helping, they still feel convincing, because your brain has gotten used to following them.
The power of The Work lies in how it gently invites you to step off that familiar path and explore a new route.
Step 1: Identify the Thought
This first step isn’t just about “thinking positive” or “reframing.” It’s about slowing down enough to catch the actual thought behind the emotional storm. Not the swirl of feelings or the secondary worries, but the core belief driving it all.
For example, beneath the anxiety about an upcoming conversation might be the thought: “They’re going to judge me.”
Now, you might be thinking: But how do I even find that core belief?
That’s a great question — and one we’ll explore later in this article. I’ll guide you through how to uncover the underlying beliefs that often sit just beneath the surface of your worries, quietly shaping how you feel and act.
For now, just know this: even noticing the surface-level thought is progress. Simply writing it down creates space. You’re no longer fused with it. You’re beginning to observe it, which is the first move toward freedom.
Step 2: Ask the Four Questions
Now, this is where things begin to shift — but not through force, and not by pretending. You stay with the thought and turn it over like a stone in your hand, looking at it from all angles.
1. Is it true?
Even if the immediate answer feels like yes, stay curious. Is it always true? In every situation?
2. Can you absolutely know it’s true?
Here’s where your certainty starts to soften. Most of our stressful thoughts are built on assumptions, partial truths, or worst-case predictions. This question opens the possibility that your mind may not have the full story.
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
Notice how your body feels, how your breathing changes, how you treat yourself and others when this thought takes hold. This is about bringing awareness to the cost of believing the thought.
4. Who would you be without that thought?
This isn’t about denial or pretending the thought never existed. It’s about honestly imagining your life without the weight of this belief. What new choices, feelings, or perspectives might open up?
These questions help you move from feeling trapped inside the thought to looking at the thought, with compassionate curiosity.
Step 3: The Turnaround
This step often surprises people. At first, it might feel uncomfortable or even frustrating to consider the opposite of what you believe. But remember, this isn’t about forcing yourself to accept the opposite as the new truth — it’s about testing possibilities.
If your original thought is, “They don’t respect me,” try on:
- “I don’t respect them.”
- “I don’t respect myself.”
- “They do respect me.”
Ask yourself: Can I find real examples where this could be true?
What you’re doing here is loosening the grip of the original belief. You’re not erasing your experience, but you are expanding your field of vision. You’re training your mind to see more than just the narrow, painful version of reality it’s been locked into.
What’s Really Happening Here
Here’s why this matters, especially if you’re someone who thinks critically and appreciates real explanations.
When we’re in emotional distress, the brain’s natural tendency is to close ranks — to narrow its focus onto the perceived threat or source of pain. It’s a survival mechanism, but it traps us in tunnel vision.
The Work interrupts that tunnel vision by asking us to slow down, examine, and consider alternative angles. It’s a form of cognitive flexibility. And research in psychology consistently shows that cognitive flexibility is linked to greater resilience, emotional well-being, and even problem-solving ability.
Through these questions, you’re not simply looking for a more comforting answer. You’re building a skill: the ability to hold your thoughts with a little more distance, to investigate rather than immediately believe, and to create space between stimulus and response.
If You Feel Doubtful, That’s Okay
It’s normal to wonder: Will this really work for me?
Especially if you’ve been struggling for a long time or feel like your thoughts have too much power over you.
Here’s the truth: this isn’t a quick fix. It’s not a trick to silence your mind in an instant. But with practice, The Work helps you develop a reliable method for facing your thoughts instead of being ruled by them.
And when you combine this process with the support of someone trained to guide you — like a coach — you can go even deeper. A skilled coach can help you spot the beliefs you might overlook, stay with the process when it feels uncomfortable, and apply it consistently to the areas of life where you most want change.
Bottom Line
The simplicity of The Work isn’t a weakness — it’s what makes it powerful and practical. Complex emotional challenges don’t always require complicated solutions. They require tools that you can actually use, especially in the messy, everyday moments when your thoughts feel most overwhelming.
The Work offers you that: a clear, repeatable way to meet your mind with curiosity instead of fear, and to create genuine, lasting shifts in how you see yourself and your life.
As you start to work through the questions and the turnaround, you might notice something interesting: certain kinds of thoughts keep showing up. Maybe it’s different situations, but the feeling underneath feels strangely familiar — like you’ve been here before, thinking something very similar.
That’s not an accident.
Most of the time, the thoughts we pick up first are just the surface layer. They’re like the leaves of a plant, while the real root — the deeper belief driving it all — lies underneath. And once you understand how to spot that core belief, your work with this method becomes even more powerful.
So before we go further, let’s take a moment to explore how you can find the deeper beliefs shaping your everyday thoughts. This will help you use The Work more effectively and bring even greater clarity to your mindset shifts.
How to Find the Core Belief Behind Your Stressful Thoughts
By now, you’ve seen how The Work invites you to identify a specific thought and work through it step by step. But here’s something important: often, the thoughts we first notice are just the surface layer. Beneath them, like the roots of a tangled plant, are deeper, more persistent beliefs quietly shaping the way we see the world.
And if you’ve ever felt like your thoughts are on repeat — even after you’ve tried reasoning with them — it’s probably because you’re brushing up against one of these deeper patterns.
So, how do you find the core belief that’s driving the loop?
1. Start by Noticing Repetition
Pay attention to thoughts that feel familiar. Maybe it’s “I’m not doing enough” or “They always let me down.”
If you notice the same theme surfacing in different situations, that’s a signal. These repeating patterns often point to an underlying belief.
For example:
- Thought: “My boss never listens to me.”
- Pattern: “People don’t value what I have to say.”
- Core belief: “I’m not important.”
See how the surface thought is just one expression of something deeper?
2. Ask Yourself: “If this is true, what does that mean about me (or the world)?”
This is a powerful way to peel back the layers.
Take a surface thought and follow it down:
- “She forgot my birthday.”
- What does that mean? “She doesn’t care about me.”
- What does that mean? “I’m not loved.”
When you follow the thought in this way, you often land on a deeper belief about worth, safety, love, or belonging — the big themes that tend to sit beneath our daily frustrations.
3. Look for Emotionally Charged Themes
Your strongest emotional reactions often signal a deeper belief at play. Moments of anger, shame, or fear are like flags saying, “There’s something important here.”
Rather than trying to push the feeling away, use it as a guide. Ask yourself:
- What belief is this emotion pointing to?
- What story am I telling myself right now?
Approaching this with curiosity (rather than judgment) helps you reveal beliefs that might have been running quietly in the background for years.
4. Recognize That Core Beliefs Often Form Early
Many of our most stubborn beliefs were formed long ago — often in childhood or early adulthood. Maybe you were taught, directly or indirectly, that you had to meet certain expectations to be accepted. Maybe you internalized the idea that mistakes mean failure, or that vulnerability is unsafe.
When you notice a thought that feels deeply rooted, pause and ask:
- Where might this belief have started?
- Whose voice does this sound like?
You don’t need to unpack your entire life story to use The Work effectively, but recognizing the origin of a belief can help loosen its grip.
A Gentle Reminder
Finding your core belief isn’t about digging endlessly into your past or getting stuck in analysis. It’s about awareness. Once you name the belief, you can work with it directly through The Work — questioning it, exploring it, and opening space for new possibilities.
This is also where working with a coach can be especially valuable. An experienced coach can help you spot patterns you might not see on your own and support you as you explore deeper layers safely and effectively.
Remember: the goal isn’t perfection. It’s progress. Every time you identify and question a belief, you’re strengthening your ability to choose how you respond to your thoughts, rather than being controlled by them.
Is Byron Katie’s Work Right for You?
At this point, you might be wondering: Is this method really for me? Could these simple questions make a difference in my life?
It’s a fair and important question.
The truth is, Byron Katie’s Work isn’t a perfect fit for every person, at every moment. Like any practice, it works best when you come to it with a certain level of openness — not blind faith, but a willingness to pause, look inward, and gently challenge your own assumptions.
If you often feel stuck in recurring, stressful thoughts, The Work can offer a valuable way forward. Especially if you’ve tried suppressing your feelings or forcing yourself into positive thinking — only to feel like nothing changes underneath — this approach meets you exactly where you are, without needing to pretend or push anything away.
It can be especially helpful if you:
- Tend to ruminate over the same worries
- Struggle with self-judgment or harsh inner criticism
- Feel frustration or resentment toward others that won’t seem to fade
- Want to respond to life with more calm and clarity but aren’t sure how
- Appreciate simple, practical tools you can use anytime, without needing complex systems
However, it’s also okay if you feel some resistance at first. Many people do. Questioning our beliefs — especially ones we’ve held tightly for years — can feel uncomfortable, even vulnerable. That’s normal. And it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
One of the most reassuring things about The Work is that you can move at your own pace. You don’t have to force insights. Even small steps, like noticing a thought and sitting with the first question, can begin to shift how you experience your inner world.
So if you’re curious — even cautiously curious — then yes, The Work might be just the approach you need. It’s not about fixing yourself. It’s about getting to know your mind in a way that brings more freedom and less struggle.
The Role of a Life Coach in Helping You Question and Transform Beliefs
When you’re caught in stressful thoughts or limiting beliefs, it can feel like you’re trapped inside a story you didn’t choose — one that keeps playing on repeat, no matter how much you try to silence it. These beliefs shape how you see yourself, others, and what’s possible in your life. And while you can start to question them on your own, having a life coach by your side can make the process more powerful and less overwhelming.
A skilled coach helps you do what’s hard to do alone: see your thinking with fresh eyes. Because let’s face it — when you’re deep inside your own mind, certain patterns feel so familiar they seem like facts, not beliefs.
Here’s how coaching supports you in unwinding these deeply held stories:
- Bringing clarity to tangled thoughts. A coach helps you slow down and name the beliefs that are really driving your feelings and reactions. Sometimes, it’s not the surface worry that’s at the root, but something deeper you hadn’t spotted.
- Creating space to stay with uncomfortable truths.Challenging long-held beliefs can feel unsettling. A coach creates a safe, steady space where you can face these thoughts without rushing past them or pushing them aside.
- Helping you explore new perspectives with honesty. When you’re ready to loosen the grip of old beliefs, a coach can gently guide you in exploring alternative perspectives — not in a way that feels forced, but with genuine curiosity.
- Turning insights into action. Insight is only the beginning. A coach helps you take what you’ve discovered about your beliefs and apply it to your daily life, so you’re not just thinking differently, you’re living differently.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re circling the same thoughts without a way out, coaching can help you untangle those loops and open a path toward greater freedom, clarity, and real change.
Conclusion
When you’re caught in the grip of stressful thoughts, it can feel like there’s no way out. The mind loops, the tension builds, and before you know it, you’re living inside a story that feels heavy and unchangeable.
But here’s the truth: you are not your thoughts. And the simple act of questioning them — with curiosity and kindness — can open a doorway to something lighter. The Work of Byron Katie gives you a practical way to do that. Step by step, it helps you untangle beliefs that once felt like facts, and discover fresh perspectives that bring relief and clarity.
This process isn’t about forcing yourself into positivity or ignoring real challenges. It’s about meeting your mind where it is, and gently exploring what’s true, what’s helpful, and what’s possible.
You can start today, right where you are. And if you’d like support along the way, working with a life coach can make the journey feel less lonely and more grounded. With guidance, you can go deeper into the beliefs that have held you back, and start creating real change — not just in your thoughts, but in your life.
No matter where you begin, remember: every moment of inquiry is a step toward freedom. And that’s a path worth walking.
Frequently Asked Questions
Before we wrap up, I know you might still have a few lingering questions about how this process works in real life. That’s natural — especially if you’re approaching this with a thoughtful, curious mind. Let’s take a moment to answer some of the most common questions people have when they first explore Byron Katie’s Work and working with a coach.
Can I do Byron Katie’s Work on my own?
Yes, The Work is designed to be self-directed, and many people find value in working through the questions on their own. However, for deeper patterns and blind spots, guidance from a coach can be especially helpful.
Is Byron Katie’s Work like therapy?
Not exactly. The Work is a process of self-inquiry rather than traditional therapy. While it can be therapeutic, it doesn’t replace professional mental health care when needed. That said, it complements many personal development and coaching practices beautifully.
How long does it take to see results with The Work?
Many people experience insights even from their very first inquiry. However, like any meaningful practice, the impact grows over time with consistency and reflection.
What if I feel resistant or uncomfortable during The Work?
That’s normal. Questioning long-held beliefs can bring up discomfort. Approach the process with patience, and consider working with a coach if you’d like support moving through resistance gently.
Further Reading
If you’d like to explore more about questioning thoughts, shifting mindset patterns, and working with beliefs, here are a few resources to continue your journey:
The Work Official Resources
Byron Katie offers free worksheets, videos, and guided sessions to help you practice The Work on your own.
Explore here
Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
Byron Katie’s foundational book, filled with real-life examples and detailed guidance on how to apply The Work to everyday challenges.
Find the book here
My coaching approach for mindset shifts.
If you’d like support applying these tools in your own life, coaching offers a guided space to explore your beliefs and create lasting change.
Learn about coaching with me
Paul Strobl, MBA, CPC
Owner of Confide Coaching, LLC
Paul is a Master Life Coach for GenX and GenY executives and business owners. Originally from Houston, Texas, he has been location independent for most of his adult life. He currently resides in the Rhodope Mountains of Bulgaria near the Greek border with his brilliant wife, 14-year-old stepson (officially adopted in 2021!) and a Posavac Hound rescue.
