Clarify Your Core Values in 15 Minutes: A Practical Exercise

You don’t need a vision board, a silent retreat, or a perfectly curated list of noble-sounding values to know what truly matters to you. In fact, you already do.

Your core values show up in the way you live—in your everyday decisions, in what lights you up, and in the things you say no to. You just need a process that helps you spot them. That’s what this 15-minute exercise is all about. It’s quick, insightful, and practical. And it works especially well if you’re standing at a crossroads, entering a new phase of life, or simply want to realign with what matters most.

Let’s be honest: by midlife, many of us realize we’ve spent decades living by values we didn’t consciously choose. We inherited them from our families, workplaces, social groups, or even from survival mode. And while they may have served us at the time, we’re not here to run on autopilot anymore.

This is your invitation to pause, check in, and clarify what you stand for now—based not on who you were, but on who you’re becoming.

Why Clarifying Your Values Is a Game Changer

When your values are clear, decisions get easier. Boundaries make more sense. And you stop second-guessing yourself so much. You start living from the inside out, not the outside in. That’s powerful at any stage of life, but especially when you’re redesigning your next chapter.

So instead of picking words off a list like you’re ordering from a menu of virtues, we’ll do something more real. We’re going to reverse-engineer your values by looking at how they already show up in your life—or how it feels when they don’t.

Ready? Let’s do this.

Step One (4 Minutes): Scan for Moments That Mattered

This first part is about awareness. You’re going to look at the past two weeks of your life and pull out 3–5 moments that stood out emotionally. Not necessarily big or dramatic ones—just moments that felt meaningful in some way.

Write down:

1. A moment you felt proud.
2. A moment that bothered you more than it “should have.”
3. A moment where you felt energized or in flow.
4. A moment where you said no to something.
5. A moment that brought you peace.

These could be tiny. Maybe you spoke up in a meeting. Maybe you turned off your phone during dinner. Maybe you got irrationally annoyed at someone interrupting you.

That’s gold. Those emotional tugs are clues to your values in action.

Example:

• Proud: I finally set a boundary with a client who was overstepping.
• Bothered: I felt really off when someone interrupted me repeatedly.
• In flow: I lost track of time while planning a trip for my partner’s birthday.
• Said no: I declined a social event that would have drained me.
• At peace: I felt calm reading a book with my phone in another room.

Take four minutes to jot your moments down. Don’t overthink it.

Step Two (6 Minutes): Extract the Hidden Values

Now it’s time to look under the surface. For each moment you wrote down, ask yourself:

• What was the underlying value being honored?
• Or, if it was a frustrating moment, what value was being violated?

This part is like decoding your emotional GPS. Values aren’t abstract when you anchor them to real experiences. They become visceral. You feel them.

Let’s go back to the example:

• Boundary with client → value of self-respect or autonomy
• Annoyed by interruption → value of respect, presence, or being heard
• Planning partner’s trip → value of love, creativity, generosity
• Said no to event → value of energy management or intentional living
• Reading in peace → value of solitude, growth, simplicity

You don’t need to get this perfect. Trust your gut. What felt violated or nourished in each moment? What mattered under the surface?

Make a list. You might start to see certain themes or repeated values show up.

Step Three (3 Minutes): Circle Your Top Three

Now look at the values you uncovered and ask:

• Which ones felt strongest or most emotional?
• Which ones kept repeating across different moments?
• Which ones feel non-negotiable?

Choose three values that feel core to who you are and how you want to live. These are not aspirational or trendy. They’re already baked into your reactions, your choices, and your friction points.

You might land on things like:

• Integrity
• Creativity
• Growth
• Connection
• Simplicity
• Freedom
• Mastery
• Contribution

Make them your own. Maybe instead of “connection,” you prefer “deep relationships.” Instead of “growth,” you want “learning that excites me.” Use your own language.

Now write your three values at the top of a new page.

This is your compass.

How to Use Your Values Going Forward

The power of this clarity shows up immediately in everyday decisions:

• Should I take on this new project? (Does it honor my value of autonomy?)
• Why do I feel resentful in this relationship? (Is my value of mutual respect missing?)
• What kind of exercise plan will I stick to? (One that aligns with my value of simplicity or mastery?)

You can also use your values to:

• Design your routines (e.g., if peace matters, protect quiet mornings)
• Navigate conflict (e.g., “We both value growth, but we express it differently”)
• Set goals that actually matter (vs. chasing status goals that feel empty)

And when you feel stuck or off track? Come back to these values and ask, Where have I been living out of alignment?

Final Thoughts: Your Values, Your Anchor

This isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about noticing who you already are when you’re being real, when you’re at peace, when you’re proud of how you showed up.

That’s your values speaking.

And now that you’ve named them, you can choose to live by them more deliberately. Not someday. Starting now.

You gave yourself 15 minutes. You just gave yourself a compass for everything else.

Stay close to it.

P.S. If you try this exercise and find it powerful, come back to it once a quarter. Life shifts, and so can your values. But this process? It always works when you bring your full attention to it.