Communicate Like a Life Coach for Better Relationships

How to communicate better and improve your relationships is a skill a good life coach can help you develop. Great communicators are made, not born. Silver-tongued orators can make the world dance to their tune. Think of the world’s greatest speakers, from Winston Churchill imploring his countrymen not to give up and fight to the very end—to JFK inspiring a nation with the hope that they soon would indeed get to the moon. They knew that words hold power – that to touch the heart is to inspire action, affect change, and transform lives.

While you may have little interest in being an orator or a world leader, you probably have the desire to improve your communication skills. After all, good communication is the lifeblood of any strong relationship. Mastering the art of communication can significantly enhance your career and your relationships with friends and family.

Anyone you’ve come across who’s an incredible communicator has worked on it. Thinking that good communication is an intrinsic trait is a limiting belief. So how can you improve your communication? Who’s better to emulate than a highly trained and experienced life coach? They build relationships and stir hope in people’s hearts leading them to accomplish great things.

Here’s how you can communicate like a life coach.

1. The Art of Listening

Everyone knows a lousy listener. It could be that friend who continuously cuts you off mid-sentence or a co-worker who won’t get the hint that “Now’s probably not a good time to talk.” These experiences can be incredibly annoying, and it takes a great deal of patience to get through them. Are you a bad listener? Well, it’s possible you are one. This may come as a surprise to you, but most people are unaware that they are bad listeners.

Life coaches understand that few people are completely heard and understood when they speak, which often leads to feelings of frustration. The basis of any good relationship is the ability to listen, understand, and empathize. Remember, listening isn’t the same thing as hearing. It’s an active process that requires skill and focus.

If someone is narrating an experience they had, do not think about what you want to say next or jump in with another similar experience. Part of successful communication is giving someone your time and the space they need to feel understood. This is called active listening. 

2. Being Understood

In coaching conversations, it is critical that all parties involved are on the same page and understand each other. People think, speak and express emotions in different ways. Similarly, people have different values, expectations, and opinions. These factors act as filters, and people hear what you say through these filters. When you say something or send information, the message won’t necessarily be received the way you intended.

The key to being understood is to always be aware and sensitive to people’s filters. Effective communication is a two-way street. First, you must present your message in a way that others can understand; then, you have to listen to know how your message is received.

Communication is the glue that binds relationships together. So ask questions and create room for feedback. What kinds of questions you might ask?

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions begin with “What” or “How” and encourage the other person to stop, think and tap into creative problem-solving to answer your question. It forces them to stop and consider alternatives that may be very different than the story they are stuck in.

They key here is to “not know” what the other person is going to say and avoiding asking questions that lead someone to your desired answer. Be open to any response and listen with empathy.

Here are three types of questions to avoid when attempting to improve your communication and better your relationship:

• Closed-ended questions that can be answered with one word or a short phrase are not very effective for better communication. 
• Any question where “you” is the second word. This type of question in nothing more than veiled unsolicited advice or a judgment of how something was done.
• “Why” or “Why not” questions make people defensive.  You can ask why without using the word why.  “Walk me through your thought process that brought you to that conclusion” with a curious tone will get better results than “Why did you do that!?”

4. Mind Your Body Language

Are you aware of how you come across? Are you really as good at reading people as you think? Through a series of studies, psychologists at Princeton found that it takes people only one-tenth of a second to size someone up. And this is primarily based on body language. Most communication is nonverbal and comes from cues such as tone of voice, facial expressions, and stance.

Simply put, if you’re not aware of how you come across, you may be missing out on a great deal of human interaction. Part of excellent communication is understanding how people react to what you say. Are they expressing interest or just being polite? Are they embarrassed or amused?

Do what life coaches do! Open yourself up, and people will open up to you. Always make eye contact, keep your limbs loose, and don’t cross your arms. Crossing arms can indicate disinterest or aloofness. Your body language communicates whether or not you’re fully present. And in relationships, it’s just as important to mind other people’s nonverbal cues as well as your own. Look beyond their words to truly understand them.

The Secret to Great Communication

Good communication is empathic communication. You can’t truly understand someone if you don’t understand what they are feeling at a given moment. Empathy is fundamental if you’re to build trusting and effective relationships. Any good life coach will tell you that empathy is everything. It is one of the core components of emotional intelligence and equips you with the ability to understand the thoughts and feelings of another human being.

The good news is that emotional intelligence isn’t written into a person’s DNA. It’s a skill like any other. It can be nurtured and grown. Empathy has to be one of the most underdeveloped skills when it comes to communication and building trust in relationships. Yet, it is both fundamental and powerful. So how do you practice empathy? Talk less, listen more, and listen to connect. The key to empathy is to understand yourself and understand others.

p.s. – If you would like to improve your communication in your life and career, schedule a free no-obligation appointment directly in my calendar here. During the free trial session you will get many practical tips how communication can help you improve your relationships and a real feel of what life coaching is.