6 Tips for Dealing With the Negative Self-Talk

Does your self-talk include a kind, compassionate and loving tone?  Probably not. (I know mine doesn’t!)

Perhaps the single most important step in any type of self-development involves tuning in to the voice in your head.  For those of you who don’t think you have one, it’s the voice that just said, “I don’t have a voice in my head.”

Tune in to the Narrator

This is the voice that “translates” every situation, communication, or context in which you find yourself during every moment of your day.  Humans are computers that are programmed to place meaning on just about everything past, present and future, and the voice in your head is the narrator.

The trouble is, most of us have a real jerk on the mic.  It says things like, “You’re going to screw it all up,”  “You are not smart (or good-looking or skinny or muscular or wealthy) enough,” “They’re all going to laugh at you!”

Ok, so now you’re aware of it (or perhaps you were for some time)…what now?

You are not a powerless victim of your negative brain. 

Six Ways to Deal With Your Negative Self-Talk

There are both direct and indirect ways of dealing with your mental negative Nancy (or Norman).  Here are a few that I have found effective either personally or for my clients:

1. Tell it to shut up.  Added benefit: people in line at the grocery store or Starbucks will let you go ahead in front of them.
2. Turn it down.  Imagine you have a small knob or slider and just turn down the volume.  For others, it works to visualize the voice getting more distant.  (this method can work with emotions as well, more in future postings)
3. Challenge it.  Find evidence in your past that disproves what the voice is saying.  This can be profoundly important when your voice generalizes with “All, Always, Never and None” type thinking.  This uncovers a deep-rooted belief that you can decide whether to keep.
4. Imagine the voice coming from your own body, your lungs, and vocal chords and feel the vibration in your throat.  Chances are the tone will be much friendlier than the one in your head.  (This is an NLP technique)
5. Practice gratitude. Okay, so maybe you’ve heard Deepak Chopra say this or you read “The Secret.” (I don’t professionally subscribe to any of that, by the way) There’s a reason why you hear this a lot: it works.  Keep a gratitude journal next to your bed and list the things you are grateful for every night—when you are more conscious of the good things in your life, there’s not as much room for the negative.  If this sounds hokey to you, I challenge you to try it for a week—I promise you will feel a difference.
6. Did I mention being grateful?  It’s effective, and helps with all aspects of your life!

If you try all of these, and the voice keeps getting in the way, it may be helpful to find the underlying root causes. Go after the beliefs that are distorting your reality, and that are responsible for generating the vast majority of your unfriendly self-talk.

And please, in extreme cases, if you are hearing several voices, or if you are suffering from depression, seek out professional help.