Forgiveness: Why It Matters

Forgiveness isn’t about letting anyone off the hook. It’s about you letting go of what’s heavy.

We all have experienced pain at the hands of someone at least once in our life. That someone could be a close family member or a total stranger. Being hurt can give rise to feelings of hatred, bitterness, and vengeance toward the wrongdoer. Some people spend their whole lives expecting an apology from their offender, and some strive to quench their thirst for revenge.

What they don’t understand is how they hurt themselves in this process. This is why understanding forgiveness is important for spiritual, mental, and physical wellbeing. 

What is Forgiveness?

Forgiveness is an act of letting go of hatred, resentment, or anger towards the person who has hurt you and moving on with a clean slate. Forgiveness is also about accepting the hurt, lessons, and the change in your person and your life. It’s about freeing yourself from taking vengeance and wishing the person no ill will.

Forgiving doesn’t mean that you have to stay in touch with the person who has hurt you and forget the harm they did to you. It simply means that you no longer let their actions or words have any power or control over you. 

Why Forgiveness is Important?

Forgiveness is an important part of your healing journey and spiritual growth. If you tie yourself with the rope of hate, anger, and revenge, you will never be able to evolve to your higher self. Forgiveness is an intentional act in which the person decides to change his feelings for the offender, and try to let go of negative emotions associated with it. 

Forgiveness isn’t just beneficial for your spiritual wellbeing, but even has positive effects on your mental and physical health. Research has proven that people who forgive others live a much healthier and happier life than those who hold grudges. Forgiveness has been shown to elevate mood, enhance optimism, and reduce the risk of anger, stress, anxiety, and depression. 

Denying forgiveness to someone who wronged you is denying freedom to yourself. Ask yourself, is it healthy to hold on to anger that serves only to keep you in misery? It’s like trapping yourself in a mental cage that will prohibit you from moving on in life. 

So, tell me who does this grudge exactly hurt the most? It hurts you.

How to Forgive Someone that Hurt You

Forgiving is not always easy, especially when you have been through emotional or physical abuse at the hands of an offender. Everyone has their own pace when it comes to forgiving. It is a gradual process that doesn’t happen overnight. It’s perfectly normal to be unable to forgive someone right after they hurt you. Give yourself time, and don’t force yourself.

Forgiveness is different for everyone. Some people might reconcile, and some might break things off after forgiving. Decide what is healthy for your wellbeing. Keep in mind that it’s not safe to forgive and reconcile with someone who has seriously harmed you before (a narcissist for example) and has the potential to hurt you again.

Forgiving begins from your “Will” to forgive. It can be hard to forgive when you don’t even receive an apology, or your offender doesn’t even show remorse. But you must know that forgiveness is for you, not for the offender.

Once you decide that you are willing to forgive the person, and move on with your life, ask yourself these four probing questions.

1. Why am I forgiving this person?

It’s important to understand why you are forgiving this person. Acknowledge your emotions and thoughts related to the incident or the person that hurt you. Understand that all humans are flawed. 

And sometimes, “Hurt people hurt people” intentionally or unintentionally. People who hurt you might be in more need of help than you. Understanding this type of empathy can make you a better person and can make the process of forgiving easier.

2. What did I learn from this experience?

Every difficult experience has a hidden lesson. Observe the growth and the lessons you learned from this experience. The lessons learned can help you in making better decisions in the future.

3. Am I ready to let go of emotions associated with the event?

Painful incidents can leave you with negative emotions. For example, if your partner has cheated on you, you might consider yourself the reason. You might think that you are not good enough. 

These feelings can lead to self-hate and self-resentment. Understand that people’s actions have nothing to do with you. Stop seeing yourself through others’ eyes. Let go of those emotions holding you back from loving and being yourself. 

4. Do I want to tell that person I have forgiven them?

This is a personal choice. If you want to tell that person then, go ahead. Otherwise, there’s no need to have direct contact for you to set yourself free.

The Final Verdict

Forgiveness is not important, it’s essential. Your time on this earth is precious. Don’t spend it dwelling on the things that bring nothing but pain. Practice forgiving others to set yourself free and see the positive changes in yourself.