How to Find Your Shame Triggers to Be Less Emotionally Reactive

When we react, and we’re out of control emotionally, it usually means that someone or some situation triggered our shame.

This simple exercise helps to identify where these shame triggers are, so you can be more aware when it hits.

More awareness will help you to respond to situations instead of reacting and being a victim.

[VIDEO TRANSCRIPT]: 

Finding your shame triggers is a lot easier than you might think.

Find Your Shame Triggers

I really like Brené Brown’s method that she mentions in her most recent book “Atlas of the Heart.”

When a shame trigger gets hit, it’s hard to control how we respond.

Just take this sentence; take a little bit of time and really think of the words to fill in the blank in the following sentence.

“It’s really important for me to not be perceived as blank.”

Think of all the words that might complete that sentence. All of those things are your shame triggers–where you feel exposed that those things might all of a sudden be public. That’s where the shame really gets triggered, and that’s where we react.

My Shame Triggers

For me, I could complete that sentence with “weak, unsuccessful, selfish, fat or out of shape, rude, stupid, or lazy.” Those are mine — those are the ones that I don’t want to be perceived that way, so anything that might expose one of these, I might react to.

I have to be aware when I do react; if I do get triggered, to take a step back and say “okay, wait a minute… Is this person really calling me weak or telling me I’m unsuccessful?” Probably not.

Use the Tool

Use this tool.  It’s super simple: “It’s really important for me not to be perceived as blank.”

That will find your shame triggers and you’ll have a lot more insights into who you are as a person.

See you next time!