Self-compassion doesn’t come natural to us. We are taught to treat others with compassion, to speak kindly or say nothing at all. But what about how we speak to ourselves?
[VIDEO TRANSCRIPT]:
We live in a world where we are kinder to others than we are to ourselves. In a world where we have expectations of how things are supposed to happen.
“I work really hard – why aren’t I getting promoted?” “We’re such a great couple – why isn’t he asking me to marry him?”
Things should be perfect with no glitches or setbacks.
GPS Voice: “2 hours and 19 minutes to your destination…”
The Unexpected and the Lack of Self-Compassion
But what happens when things don’t go how you hope they will? What happens when you make a wrong turn?
You don’t have to be the Dalai Lama to practice self-compassion.
GPS Voice: “You are never going to get there. You are a stupid. worthless. loser.”
Beating Ourselves Up
When we inevitably make a mistake, we beat ourselves up. There’s a second version of you around the corner with a big stick just waiting for you to screw up.
GPS Voice: “You did it again. What an idiot you are. You will never amount to anything in life. Your ex-girlfriend was totally right.”
The Re-Frame
The way around this is to pay attention to your thoughts. Catch yourself when it’s happening. Think more like a GPS when things go wrong.
What does a GPS do when you make a mistake? It simply re-routes you.
GPS Voice: “Re-routing”…. “In 500 feet make a U-turn.”
Practice Self-Compassion
Just turn around and get back on the main road. Have compassion for yourself. Insulting yourself or obsessing over an alternative reality of a different decision you might have made isn’t going to change your current circumstances.
The point here is…In the words of Christopher Germer “Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.”
Treat yourself as you would treat your best friend. If a friend came to you with a problem, would you call him an idiot? Would you say he’s a loser? If you’re a good friend, you would treat him with kindness, and give him words of encouragement.
Be a good friend to yourself.
p.s. – not sure where to get started with self-compassion? Book a free trail session in my calendar now!
Paul Strobl, MBA, CPC
Owner of Confide Coaching, LLC
Paul is a Master Life Coach for GenX and GenY executives and business owners. Originally from Houston, Texas, he has been location independent for most of his adult life. He currently resides in the Rhodope Mountains of Bulgaria near the Greek border with his brilliant wife, 13-year-old stepson (officially adopted in 2021!) and a Posavac Hound rescue.
