Psychological Flexibility: What It Is and How to Develop More

Hypothetical Situation

A lack of psychological flexibility can cause the bulk of your stress in life. Imagine the following scenario:

You are excelling at your job and on the verge of a big promotion. Suddenly, a worldwide pandemic forces you to work from home (I’m sure nobody can relate to this situation, right?).  

Your mind starts racing. How will I be able to perform?  I’m so good at reading people and connecting face-to-face. My written communication is nowhere near where it needs to be and I’m going to have to rely on it.

You fast-forward in your mind to your next annual review, the look of disgust on your boss’ face and her tone of voice telling you you’re getting put on an action plan, or worse, she hands you a severance package!  

You work hard over the next couple of months, but you’re absolutely certain that you’ll fall short on your performance, that people don’t understand your emails, and you’re going to have to figure out how your family will survive for a while on only one income.

Then your review day comes–the day you’ve been dreading. Your hands are sweating and your heart is beating up through your throat. 

You brace for the worst. Your boss is absolutely delighted with how you’ve handled yourself, and you get the promotion! 

 

What Happened?

The fact is while difficulties create useful experience, we sometimes misinterpret the true threat of life’s curveballs. Our alarm system goes off, and we end up feeling stressed or anxious, which, when left unattended, could evolve into a form of mental illness.[1]

Psychological flexibility is the key goal of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). It encourages people to find acceptance for their feelings and thoughts instead of fighting or feeling guilty about them.

Psychological flexibility is the ability to go through difficult situations by appropriately responding to our feelings and thoughts, which leads us to taking action in line with our core values.

Being psychologically flexible helps you recognize when your approach to solving a problem needs reevaluation instead of just following the status quo or your personal default. Psychologically flexible people can learn, unlearn and shift their perspective more fluidly between the present and future. 

In my many years of coaching people from all walks of life, I’ve found psychological flexibility to be a key determinant to attaining success (and perhaps even a prerequisite for working with a coach!). Our innate response to disappointments has a significant impact on our overall quality of life.

 

How to Develop Psychological Flexibility

Be unafraid of troubling emotions: By accepting your thoughts and emotions without labeling them positive or negative, you avoid being trapped in reflexive, automatic behavioral patterns. According to Steven Hayes, “we hurt where we care, and we care where we hurt. These two pivots, these two ‘turning towards,’ are the same thing.

When you stand with yourself even when it’s hard, you are doing a loving thing for yourself.”[2] Learning to be less reactive to every thought that pops into your head is sometimes enough to give you peace of mind.

Step outside your thoughts: Because our thoughts, feelings, and emotions do not always adequately reflect long-term value, we often trust our emotions and act on impulse, sometimes to our detriment. 

While it is difficult for most people to think clearly in tough situations, psychological flexibility trains your consciousness to detach from the present and to engage or persist in behavior that serves valued ends.[3]

Psychological flexibility isn’t just about avoiding or counterbalancing psychological or mental dysfunctions; it’s about developing positive psychological skills that help you thrive in life.

Focus on the present: According to Dr. Russ Harris, a psychotherapist and consultant to the World Health Organization, “bringing full awareness to your here-and-now experience, with openness, interest, and receptiveness; focusing on, and engaging fully in whatever you are doing” as opposed to being trapped in negative and anxious thoughts about the past or future will make a huge difference in how you experience life.

Avoid being rigid: Learn to experiment with change. Without flexibility, life is guaranteed to be a pain. Remember that policies can change, people can adapt. Don’t conform to a pattern, especially when it feels uncomfortable. As Bruce Lee said, “Empty your mind. Be formless, shapeless – like water.”

 

 

Benefits of Psychological Flexibility

•       Promotes healthy behavioral changes
•       Makes you more proactive instead of reactive
•       Builds resilience 
•       Helps you cope better in difficult situations
•       Improves relationships by being mindful of emotion and mood
•       Keeps you striving toward goals despite setbacks

 

Ultimately, psychological flexibility is about developing the fortitude to effectively manage whatever comes your way and remain relatively unfazed even when stepping out of your comfort zone.

p.s. – Do you want to live more in line with who you are? Book a free trial session and we’ll see if we’re a fit for working together.