If you happen to doubt your abilities and, at times, wish to improve a few things about your personality, you are not alone. It is completely normal if you want to improve your behavior, attitude, and skills.
Not to mention, it is great to set goals and strive to achieve them. While goals keep us determined and help us improve, is it necessary to seek perfection in everything that you do?
You must understand that being overly critical of your self is not the same as encouraging yourself to realize your goals. In fact, self-loathing and being mean to yourself have many adverse effects on your health and relationships. This makes it important for you to try and stop beating yourself up.
So how can you be more kind to yourself and avoid beating yourself up? Keep reading to find out.
Why You Need to Stop Beating Yourself Up
Sure, being a little hard on yourself at times can help you achieve your goals. It can make you more disciplined and keeps you motivated when trying to achieve long-term goals. After all, you are human and may lose motivation at times. In this case, being a little hard on yourself can help you stay on track and gives you that special satisfaction that only comes from accomplishing long-term goals.
Ever feel like there’s another you, just waiting around the corner for you to make another mistake?
But oftentimes, people end up being too hard on themselves. You may constantly beat yourself up over incidents that have already passed. In such a case, beating yourself up can mean blocking future achievements and negatively affecting your happiness.
Constantly beating one’s self up can lead to rumination, continuously focusing on the same thoughts. Usually, rumination refers to repeatedly focusing on distressing things and their possible causes and consequences.
It Affects Your Mental Health
The chances are that you are ruminating without knowing it, if you seem to constantly beat yourself up. Beating yourself up and ruminating are both common symptom of depression. Studies reveal that higher levels of rumination are related to a greater likelihood of depressive episodes.
Beating Yourself Up Affects Your Physical Health
It is no surprise that beating yourself up has a negative impact on mental health. But a few studies also suggest that it can also impair physical health.
Ruminating while beating yourself up can intensify your perception of somatic symptoms, meaning you will experience more physical pain. This can also lead to serious biological stress.
How to Stop
With all its negative effects, the good is that you can stop beating yourself up. You can try the following methods to break the negative cycle and have more self-compassion.
Identify When It Happens
It can be hard to tune into the voice in your brain…or someone else’s.
It is impossible for you to gain control over your inner critic if you can’t identify it when it shows up. Ergo, you must know to learn how to identify it before you can change your thought process.
Most of the time, people do not consider the thoughts they are having. It is very likely that you will not notice a harsh critical thought passing through your mind. You can recognize your inner critic when you start paying attention to each thought in your mind.
Some signs that can tell you the critical voice is at work include feelings of guilt, doubt, worthlessness, and shame.
Externalize and Distance Your Inner Critic
Next up, you want to block the negative thoughts. Whenever you notice yourself being self-critical, externalize your inner critic. If you want to stop beating yourself up, you must learn to separate yourself from the critical voice in your head.
You can achieve this by personifying the voice in your head and giving it an identity. This will help you accept that the entity is not you but rather a separate one. You can associate your inner critic with a strangely-shaped monster and even give it a funny name.
Remember, you do not have to be scared of it. Rather, personify it so that you can contain and you can separate from it.
Replace the Thoughts
Similar to how you look for healthy substitutes in your diet, you can do the same for your thoughts!
Identifying your inner critic and personifying it can help you stop the negative thoughts in your mind. But can you stop being tough on yourself just by changing the way you think? No, you must also replace the negatives with something positive that can actually motivate you.
Your inner critic is rarely ever logical, so coming up with something meaningful can easily shift your focus. Use reasoning and change the channel to thoughtful statements. Doing so will not just help you avoid beating yourself up but also create new neural pathways.
For example, changing a negative thought like “I am dumb” to a positive one like “I am committed to learning” can positively motivate. Such a thought is not just realistic and rational, but it also changes your behavior for good.
Bottom Line
Constantly beating yourself up has many negative consequences as it can lead to both physical and mental health issues. Not to mention, doing so also stops you from achieving your goals to your full potential.
To stop beating yourself up, identify your inner critic, externalize it, and replace the negative thoughts with positive ones.
p.s. – Having a hard time being kinder to yourself? Book a free call and let’s see if we’re a fit for working together.
Paul Strobl, MBA, CPC
Owner of Confide Coaching, LLC
Paul is a Master Life Coach for GenX and GenY executives and business owners. Originally from Houston, Texas, he has been location independent for most of his adult life. He currently resides in the Rhodope Mountains of Bulgaria near the Greek border with his brilliant wife, 13-year-old stepson (officially adopted in 2021!) and a Posavac Hound rescue.
