Guilt: The One Thing Can Make the Successful Miserable

by | Nov 11, 2018 | Business Owners, Executive Development, Personal Development

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It always surprises me when I uncover an insight into my own American culture. I did an undergrad in Anthropology and lived on three different continents, so when something has been in such plain sight my entire life, I wonder why no one else is writing about it.
 

 

Humans Love Stories

 

Humans love stories. We tell them to pass on valuable cultural knowledge, to entertain, to move us emotionally. How we tell our own personal story not only can shape how others view us, but how we view ourselves.

According to renowned author Kurt Vonnegut, every great story has one simple structure: 1) Man falls in hole. 2) Man climbs out of hole.

 

Kurt Vonnegut Jr. Video About Story Structure

 
 

What if There is No Hole?

 

But what if you never fell in a hole? What if you were born into a family with plenty of resources, a good upbringing, school was relatively easy for you. And then you studied what you wanted, you became great at it, you started a business and it made you millions?
 
What if you got everything that was promised to finally make you really happy? You married someone great, have great kids, they’re happy and doing well in school. Then you find that something inside you feels wrong. Heavy, like there’s something missing…
 

 

Guilty Until Proven Innocent

 

 
I’ve worked with hundreds of successful entrepreneurs and business owners over the years. A good number of these clients who “have it all” suffer from the same thing: guilt.
 
The guilt is from not having suffered enough. Funny, isn’t it? Incredibly successful people who have never really suffered, end up suffering for not having suffered. It’s like a form of Surivor’s Guilt (which is now grouped with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD in the DSM-V).
 
People you know: family, friends and colleagues seem to have a story of suffering in common. It’s either ongoing or something they overcame, and the client feels guilty for not having gone through any serious ordeals to achieve what he/she has.
 
 
America’s Religious Roots
 
 

Regardless of your religious affiliation or lack thereof, American culture has a deep-rooted Protestant Christian psyche. In the Bible, when Paul goes through an enormous amount of suffering and near-death experiences, God’s answer to him when he pleaded for healing the thorn in his flesh was basically told “be grateful you’re alive and stop being a little bitch.” (Okay, so maybe that’s not exactly what God said, but you get the picture.)

Throughout the gospel, there’s repeated references to a lack of suffering being associated with being a sinner. It’s as if suffering is noble and good, and if you don’t do it, you’re just not a good person.

So here’s the message: you can’t achieve or have anything good come into your life without paying the price of suffering. When good things happen, many of us are waiting for the bad thing to happen in order to balance it out. In fact, we criticize people who have had it easy.

 

Let Go of The Guilt

 

When working with these “ultra-successful” clients (I used quotations here because most of them would not classify themselves as ultra-successful), I repeatedly find this guilt as a big driver of their lack of satisfaction.

They may have carried around this extra heaviness for years thinking that’s just how it has to be.  It isn’t, and getting the right professional to help you lighten the load may be just what you need.

What’s your story of how you got to where you are today? How much of it has suffering in it? What areas came into your life easily and without suffering?

p.s. – Book a FREE session with me to see if we’re a fit for working together. 

Paul Strobl, MBA, CPC

Paul Strobl, MBA, CPC

Owner of Confide Coaching, LLC

Paul is a Master Life Coach for GenX and GenY executives and business owners. Originally from Houston, Texas, he has been location independent for most of his adult life. He currently resides in the Rhodope Mountains of Bulgaria near the Greek border with his brilliant wife, 13-year-old stepson (officially adopted in 2021!) and a Posavac Hound rescue.