The Subtle Difference Between Shame and Guilt

Shame and guilt are two words that people use interchangeably to describe certain feelings. While you may think the two are similar, shame and guilt are distinct emotions. 

One key similarity that often confuses people is that both words describe two different negative feelings. Furthermore, both of these refer to an emotion that is a response to our actions. Nevertheless, shame and guilt are very different than one another in meaning. 

Read on if you think you might be experiencing one of these negative feelings to understand your emotions better. Not to mention, recognizing the differences will also help you move forward and lead a life that you love. Let’s dive in. 

What is Shame?

The word shame refers to a feeling of self-consciousness that negatively affects an individual’s perception of themselves. This negative emotion easily convinces you that you are at fault when something goes wrong. 

Often, shame looks like feeling as if your entire being is wrong. If you feel like you’re bad, inadequate, caught up in self blame and worthy of contempt, you might be experiencing shame. 

According to the dictionary definitions of shame, it is a painful feeling resulting from doing something wrong. While you might feel this emotion after you do something wrong, it does not necessarily relate to a specific situation, behavior, or action. Feelings of shame do not always depend on something improper. 

What is Guilt?

Guilt refers to the feeling of regret that you get after you do something wrong. It may also result from a misconception, meaning that you incorrectly think you did something wrong. If you feel remorse for doing something wrong that led to an undesirable consequence, you might be experiencing guilt.

Feelings of guilt often relate to a specific action such as hurting your friend, committing an offense, or making a mistake. It is possible to feel guilty for your actions, whether intentionally or unintentionally performed. 

According to dictionary definitions, guilt is a negative feeling that makes you feel responsible for a crime or wrongdoing. To feel guilt, you must also have feelings of care and concern for the individual you have wronged. 

How are Shame and Guilt Different?

While you may be using the words interchangeably to describe your negative emotions, shame and guilt refer to two different emotions. You must understand the differences and learn to distinguish between the two as they have a significant impact on our perspective. Both shame and guilt affect how you view yourself, the people in your life, and the world.

Self-Conscious Emotions

 Shame and guilt are negative emotions that often fall under self-conscious emotions. These are generally characterized as negative as feelings of shame or guilt make an individual feel bad about themselves. 

Sometimes, these emotions can also have negative consequences. There are quite some cases that reveal people committing suicide due to uncontrollable feelings of shame or guilt. This suggests that it is important to overcome and move forward after a certain period of feeling shameful or guilty. 

Nonetheless, the two are important and functional emotions for mental health. They are important components that help lead a prosocial life.

Inward-Facing and Outward-Facing Emotions 

All people feel these emotions at some point in their lives, making it important to understand the difference. Guilt helps individuals understand their actions and how they affect others around them. On the other hand, the inward-facing emotion of shame allows you to reflect on yourself.

During recovery from a stressful or traumatic experience, healthy guilt allows you to move forward. Meanwhile, you might feel stuck in the past if you’re experiencing emotions of shame. This happens to be the major difference between shame and guilt.

Overcoming Shame and Guilt

It is normal to feel guilty about something that you might have done wrong. If you feel guilty, though, you can always put it behind you by making up for it. 

But, shame works differently. This negative emotion convinces you to feel negative about yourself. It also makes you feel like there’s no way you can fix things or ‘come back.’

You can Feel Shame and Guilt at the Same Time

However, it is possible to feel both shame and guilt simultaneously about the same thing. For example, you said something hurtful and mean to your sibling. You might be feeling guilty for what you do, but you can also feel ashamed and think that you’re the kind of person who hurts people. 

This suggests that guilt is more about your specific actions while shame is rooted in your perception of yourself. 

Bottom Line on Shame versus Guilt

Although your guilt can turn into shame after thinking about it for too long, the two are quite different. Guilt is rather specific to wrong actions, whereas feelings of shame arise from and affects your perception of yourself

p.s. – Are feelings of shame or guilt getting in the way of living your best life? Book some time in my calendar here. We’ll see whether we’re a fit for working together.