We all encounter narcissistic individuals at some point in our life, but your circumstances are more unfortunate if you’re dealing with a narcissistic boss. People dealing with these types of bosses truly need our sympathy, as they work in an environment with a total lack of psychological safety.
Luckily, there are some clever ways to deal with your self-absorbed boss. Try the following methods and see the results for yourself.
Educate Yourself about Narcissists
We all struggle to understand the personality and psychology of the narcissistic individual. But to deal with such a person, you need to understand the underlying reason for their behavior.
Typically, they are developmentally impaired people who have experienced problems with respect to emotional regulation problems, self-awareness, low self-esteem, and lack of empathy during childhood. Narcissists think hierarchically, see everything in black and white, and are extremely self-obsessed.
You need to understand that your boss not only thinks that he or she is better, but their self-esteem and identity lies in the balance of this bizarre belief. So, just keep in mind that your boss needs the right kind of attention to overcome their psychological problem. Yes! You can sympathize with them and let them have their ego. This can help you tolerate your boss.
Butter Up Your Narcissistic Boss
If a person needs admiration and attention, and you don’t give in to feed their appetite, you will surely not make it in their good graces. Your boss needs praise (for the qualities they find prestigious), attention, and your entire concentration when they are around. If you are looking for a promotion, you need to validate your boss however and whenever you can.
You can praise their strengths and talk about how well your boss performs in leadership and strategizing roles. Try to give positive feedback when they delegate tasks or successfully close a deal with a big client. Just make sure you don’t bombard them with all your praise at once. Sure, they may enjoy it, but they may realize that something is fishy. Instead, engage in some light chit-chat once in a while to make an impression.
Avoid Gossiping
Involving yourself in office gossip might look tempting, but it’s never a good idea. If you have a narcissistic boss, it can be even be dangerous. It’s better to be careful when you’re at work. As a narcissist, your boss might be paranoid that they have enemies in the office. The worst part is that employees also share news and gossip with the boss to get on his/her good side. This is why there’s a very high possibility that anything you say can reach your boss’s ears.
You also need to know that narcissists try to communicate with others to know what people think about them. If you want to take out your anger, it’s best to have an office talk with your life coach, partner, or friend. This way, your frustration doesn’t impact your work.
In the workplace, try to stay as neutral as possible, no matter how much your coworkers push you to give your opinion.
Video: 2 Tips for Dealing with a Narcissistic Boss
Don’t Provoke a Narcissist
Keep your cool, even when you want to scream.
It’s a common habit among narcissists to provoke others and get into a fight. In fact, this becomes easier for people who have authority over others. The most dangerous fact about these problems is that people will blame you for the fight. So once the situation arises, there are few chances of ending it on a positive note.
In this scenario, stay disengaged and cool, even if you feel like your boss is pushing you. Whenever you get in this type of situation, remind yourself that they will make it your fault in the end. Allow your narcissist boss to feed their ego and don’t say anything.
Understand Your Boundaries
There are several ways to deal with narcissism, but how long can you tolerate a person like that? If your boss has a personal grudge against you, no matter how hard you try to cope with them, you will lose at some point. This is why you must understand your boundaries and determine how much you can tolerate.
Also, make a plan for what you will do if your boss becomes a headache. For instance, you can plan to leave the job, and look up some good companies. So, when your boss finally crosses your boundaries, you can get a new job and begin your new life. Opt for this decision only if there is no way to deal with your narcissistic boss.
Bottom Line
Dealing with narcissists isn’t easy. I can help with communication tactics and strategies. Book some time with me and perhaps we can find effective solutions to manage difficult personalities without resorting to walking out of your job or letting your self-esteem take a hit.
Paul Strobl, MBA, CPC
Owner of Confide Coaching, LLC
Paul is a Master Life Coach for individuals, executives and business owners. Originally from Houston, Texas, he has been location independent for most of his adult life. He currently resides in the Rhodope Mountains of Bulgaria near the Greek border with his brilliant wife, 13-year-old stepson (officially adopted in 2021!) and a Posavac Hound rescue.
Sources:
https://www.inc.com/lolly-daskal/10-powerful-ways-to-deal-with-your-narcissistic-bo.html
https://hbr.org/2016/04/how-to-work-for-a-narcissistic-boss
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-narcissist-in-your-life/202001/the-dos-and-donts-working-narcissist-boss
