There is a lot of talk about this secret way to happiness. It’s a concept that has been recycled across many world religions and philosophies. The reason it keeps popping up through history and different disciplines is because it works. In fact, I believe it is a crucial foundation to any type of personal evolution or self-development of any kind. In other words, the secret is gratitude.
Lots of people are unhappy. The biggest reason most people stay unhappy is because they focus on what they don’t have. They don’t have a new car. A boat. A house. And a big enough house. A better job. A romantic partner. Whatever.
Gratitude Tips Video
The trouble is, there is no limit to what you don’t have. And what you feel like you should have can feel like a big hole that you have to fill. Some people try to fill it with stuff they buy. While some overeat (I used to be one of those!). Some abuse drugs or alcohol. And some over-spend. Moreover, some compare themselves to others to see what they might be lacking in life, what you should have, what normal people have.
The good news is, there is a very simple way to fill that hole. A way to feel more complete. A way to stop focusing on what you don’t have and to take the time to think of what you really want.
Happiness is About Gratitude
It’s gratitude. You don’t have to join a church or an ashram to be more grateful in your life (though a large body of research shows that this helps). However, all you have to do is write down everything you are grateful for. Every day.
It only takes about 5-10 minutes. After a few weeks, you won’t have to do it anymore. Your new reality with more gratitude has already begun to change. The old neural pathways in your brain will have atrophied, and the new pathways become your new way of thinking (through a mechanism called neuroplasticity).
You will see the world as a friendlier place and you will be more optimistic. And hence, you will be reminded of the things you wrote on your list the night before when you see them during the day.
At first, it may be a struggle. Don’t worry. Tomorrow you’ll think of more things. You may even decide it’s worth taking more than 10 minutes because you aren’t finished writing.
Eventually, people and situations that used to cause you anxiety will find their way on the list. When you get stuck, ask yourself what it is about that person or situation that you are grateful for.
It Fills The Emptiness
Once the hole is filled, and you are grateful for the people and things around you, you are in a place to decide what you truly want, what is really important. Also, the what the Jones’ do or say, and keeping up with them won’t matter to you anymore. Moreover, whatever you were using to fill the hole you had will be less appealing.
What positive outcomes or shifts in perspective came from the bad experiences in your life? Are you grateful for them?
Paul Strobl, MBA, CPC
Owner of Confide Coaching, LLC
Paul is a Master Life Coach for GenX and GenY executives and business owners. Originally from Houston, Texas, he has been location independent for most of his adult life. He currently resides in the Rhodope Mountains of Bulgaria near the Greek border with his brilliant wife, 13-year-old stepson (officially adopted in 2021!) and a Posavac Hound rescue.
